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                         October 4, 2002

Readjustment, reconnecting after deployment

FORT BENNING, Ga. (Army News Service) -- A deployment’s strain on a relationship doesn’t end when the soldiers come home. Stresses of readjustment to family life can be tough on a family, too.

"While on a real-world deployment, soldiers deal with stresses of the unknown, being away from their family and there is a ‘no-kidding’ life and death struggle," said Lt. Col. John C. Chin, Ph.D., command psychologist, who has worked with special operations the majority of his career.

"When soldiers get a sense of mortality, it wakes them up and they realize it’s their family and children who matter the most. If they maintain a solid foundation in those areas, it makes for a better life."

There are more concerns for younger marriages, Chin said. Spouses are faced with new challenges, like financial and child care concerns and become more independent and may feel contempt for the returning soldier for taking some of their independence.

During redeployment, family members typically deal with conflicting emotions. There is the excitement that the soldier is coming home. There is also apprehension, according to the Department of the Army study "The Emotional Cycle of Deployment, a Military Family Perspective."

Some concerns include "Will I give up my independence? Will we get along?"

Ironically, even though the separation is almost over, there can be renewed difficulty in making decisions.

"Soldiers reconnecting with family are coming from profound emotional experiences," Chin said. "The spouses also had these experiences, dealing with day-to-day issues by themselves, taking care of the children and gaining independence," Chin said.

Many spouses also have a burst of energy during this stage, according to the study. There is often a rush to complete "to-do" lists before their mate returns -- especially around the home. It is almost inevitable that expectations will be high.

Homecoming for the soldiers can be a joyous occasion, but also a frustrating one.

Soldiers may expect to be received as "heroes" and "heroines" only to find they have to make their way home.

The reunion with the children can also be a challenge. Their feelings tend to depend on their age and understanding of why the soldier was gone.

Babies younger than one may not know the soldier and cry when held, according to the study. Toddlers may be slow to warm up. Pre-schoolers may feel guilty and scared of the separation. School age children may want a lot of attention. Teen-agers may be moody and may not appear to care.

Eventually, soldiers will want to reassert their role as members of the family, which can lead to tension, according to the study.

"It is not realistic for soldiers’ to return home and expect everything to be the same as before the deployment," Chin said.

"NCOs and officers need to know their people intimately," he added. "Family support groups need to reach out, to prepare them for the stresses of deployment."